Wednesday, December 28, 2011

BUFFY THE TURKEY SLAYER REVOLTS



Trying to prepare a scrumptious stuffing and roast the perfect turkey is something I have tried to achieve for many, many years. Some years, the stuffing might be pretty tasty, but the turkey collapses, and then sometimes the stuffing isn't too hot, but the turkey still looks like a turkey; maybe a little dry, but reasonably edible. I have even watched Fanny Craddock; the original, 'not so sure' female version of Jamie Oliver,(if the voice box is anything to go by) of the 50/60's black and white TV era, and followed her(?) instructions to the letter.




I went into my local butcher, Martin in Bansha and ordered my ham and a 'boned and rolled' turkey.  After much deliberation over my desire to see a turkey that looked like a real turkey, I decided that in my idealism was outdated and it was time to cop on. I was to make my own stuffing and then the expert butcher's hands would do the necessary 'strapping in'. When I called to collect the turkey, that, quite honestly, could have been pork, lamb or any other kind of whitish meat, Martin said he loved my stuffing and even asked for the recipe. 'Nice one...good start' I thought. 'This might just be THE YEAR!'




Thought I'd go with the turkey bag this year and sliced up an orange and a lemon (not quite sure where I picked up that tip) and popped them in alongside the 'slab' of turkey. OK the turkey did not look like a turkey, but when I opened the bag, the meat was moist ...delicious, and the stuffing wasn't bad either. I was rather pleased with myself and the gang seemed to thoroughly enjoy. I was looking forward to my favourite part, which was to slicing it cold and eating it with pickles and chutney on St. Stephens Day. Now this is where Buffy makes her entrance.




Buffy, our dog, who strayed into my car several years ago was put on a strict diet recently, because her digestive system is no longer able to deal with MEAT, not even OUR OWN freshly-cooked meat as opposed to the normally quite highly-rated Pedigree Chum. The vet suggested PURINA, which looks like horse nuts for all the world. She tolerates them, but makes mealtimes quite difficult for us with her sad demeanour and pleading eyes, as we tuck into steak or chicken. Buffy was not a happy camper at all!

I


Buffy spends her night time sleeping in either, her own cosy bed or on her own special throw that is flung  onto one of the couches before going to bed. Christmas night was no exception. However, when we got up on St. Stephen's morning, we were met with disaster in the kitchen. The turkey lay on the floor, gnawed at; and my favourite oval plate was in smithereens. Buffy had GUILTY stamped all over her, and flashing like red neon lights in her eyes! Now we (and  of course that should read 'I') should have moved the turkey onto the kitchen worktop or onto the middle of the dining table, and of course, it wasn't Buffy's fault. After all, she is a dog and up until recently...a carnivore!



Something tells me, that Buffy had her eye on that turkey from the moment it came into the kitchen. She had decided she had had enough of our meat deprivation order and was going to REVOLT. What better way than to make sure that none of us would enjoy the pleasure of turkey, if she couldn't! She succeeded! She spent most of St Stephens Day in Coventry, but wiled her way back into our hearts after a few disappointed hours with no cold turkey and home-made chutney lunches.

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Anyway, the turkey was good. Buffy can testify to that! Ah well, it's only food!




Ciao for now!

2 comments:

rita said...

Brilliant Maureen! So funny! Reminds me of our old cocker spaniel Wesley! Dogs will be dogs! Lovely the christmassy photos, your house is so colourful and cosy. Happy new year to you all :-)

Heaven said...

To make things easy for me, I buy the stuffed turkey and just mixed it all together ~

Happy New Year to you and your family ~

Cheers ~