Thursday, March 20, 2014
PANTIES TO PARADISO
I was sitting on the loo the other morning just after waking up and my eyes strayed to the panties that I'd stepped out of the night before. It only seemed like five minutes before that I had been putting them on fresh and ready for a new day. Now it was a different day....different panties....same routine. The sameness of that routine and the feeling that as I grow older, time is moving at an ever-increasing speed, caused a sense of panic that took hold for a second....a minute....an hour; that stark reality that sometimes takes hold within the immediacy of wakening, when the buffers of escapism....lagging behind, are still sleep.
Life, or at least my life is riddled with ambiguity. I tell myself I hate routine, but secretly I crave order, because I know that I will never function or fire on all pistons in a house that badly needs to be de-cluttered, or with a brain that darts from one project to another. I swear to myself that I will give up cigarettes because I know it is bad for my physical and psychological health....yet I've just stubbed one out! I want to be able to sit for hours at a time writing, yet there is always, always something more pressing to be done. I want to fill my days with golden things like music, art,poetry and gardening, yet I put on the radio to listen to the news and current affairs programs, because I haven't the time to read a newspaper.
I am so excited about and grateful for my office....my den; the equivalent of the patriarchal shed! Just some pictures and photographs; a rug; coffee machine (well you have to spoil yourself now and then); and a window to dress now. Whilst moving everything in and on to shelves, I could not get over the amount of work and research I had done on Dante's Inferno and Purgatorio at UCC, and felt lonely for those hours of Dante time and study, that fascinated and mesmerized. I groaned and moaned to myself about the fact that all the wonderful Dante stuff that is still going on in UCC, to which I am always invited, happens on Tuesday evenings, and I have to be somewhere else. Typical.
Anyway, as I sat there looking at the panties, half asleep , I promised myself there and then, that I would continue to study Dante's great work on my own. Here's to Part 3 of Dante's Divina Commedia - Paradiso.
Ciao for now!